Thursday, July 28, 2005

ducktaping hearts

some people say that ducktape can fix anything.
and with them I agree to almost anything
because it can fix the leak of the old window
and it can keep that car running, or barely so
ducktape can clean your dirty clothes
it can fix the hole into which the wind blows
it can keep a wound covered with it's sticky inner layer
and protect against the weather with it's outer scales
but there are some things it cannot do
and first of them is this
it cannot take a broken heart and rebuild without a twist
becuase hearts are quite fragile and with each touch they break
and with each loving word spoken a little piece they take
from the heart of the other to build a new little heart
one that can house both of them and make a new start
but if that heart is broken then all the little pieces
fall straight to the ground making a startling sound
and one would find it difficult among the wreckage there
to discover which piece among all the broken ones is their's
because hearts are quickly joined together and do not easily part
and when they do they leave behind each a little of their heart
so thus we can surmise that when two hearts are broken
that ducktape cannot do a thing because each heart will have it's token
when all the pieces are replaced in each heart at least a piece or so will be misplaced
with of piece of the love, once, of the other and leaving behind a memory or face
so I would take and keep this advice learned from this ducktape of mine
there are a few things that should not be broken, except by time
so don't break things that ducktape cannot fix
because love and lies will never mix
and two hearts apart, but together, will only lead to heartache now and forever

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

"Ours"

When you left it was seven
And now it’s almost eleven
I’m wishing we could start over again
Because I can see you there
In the windowpane so clear
Your beautiful face staring back in pain

And I can feel you here
As I sit on the couch where you sat with me before
I can feel your head on my shoulder once again
I can feel the beat of your heart against my head
I think you’re lying right here with me
But I turn my head and you’re gone

You’re gone
But there’s still more than a trace of you in me
You’re gone
But you left behind a few things you see
Like your smile that lingers in the mirror
And your eyes that seem even deeper and clearer
You left behind your laughter and it echoes in my mind
And you left behind your thoughts and now there’re chasing me through time
But I feel I’ve only borrowed these wonderful things
so if someday You can come back, someday when I have changed
then I would gladly hand them back with my heart
and make them ours again, ours again

it’s almost as if I can hear you on the phone
your day’s stories pouring out to my soul
I was sure I heard you say I love you
I was sure I heard you say I miss you
It’s almost as if you’re right there in the car
When I turn the radio on
I thought I heard "hey I know that guy" for the millionth time
But I guess it was just the wind whispering again
It seems that I can feel the warmth of your hand
As I’m walking down this neighborhood’s bends
And I can almost hear you say, "I’m not going to let you win"
As we race up the hill just to tie in the end
But every time I look you disappear
And every time I turn you fade into the atmosphere

You’re gone
But there’s still more than a trace of you in me
You’re gone
But you left behind a few things you see
Like your smile that lingers in the mirror
And your eyes that seem even deeper and clearer
You left behind your laughter and it echoes in my mind
And you left behind your thoughts and now there’re chasing me through time
But I feel I’ve only borrowed these wonderful things
so if someday You can come back, someday when I have changed
then I would gladly hand them back with my heart
and make them ours again, ours again

I guess there is more to me then even I let myself see.

I’m on my knees, can you tell me please
What can I do? What can I say?
Can I erase? Can I replace?
The pain that I brought into your life today
Can I crawl for miles, face the desert’s trials
Get slapped in the face, have my image displaced
Have my pride destroyed, for one reward
I just want to get on my knees and say

Please, please forgive me
Please, please forgive me
Please, please let me
Have one more chance
To say the words I love
Have one more chance
To show you how I love
One more chance
To never let you fall again
I’m on my knees, please
Please forgive me

I’m on my face, the dirt my only taste
How can I live? How can I go on?
Can I remain, In all this pain?
I’m lower than ever before, but one can never be sure
I don’t know if what I’m standing on is the floor
But I can go deeper, if I have to
And I will go anywhere for you
I will do anything to make my words true to you
For just one thing, for just one thing

I just want to get on my face, and say
Please, please forgive me
Please, please forgive me
Please, please let me
Have one more chance
To say the words I love you
One more chance
to show you how I love you
one more chance
I won’t let you fall again
I’m on my face and all I want to say
Is please, please, please forgive me

why do we always hurt what we love?

I can’t see straight
Anymore
The lines are fading away
I can’t walk straight
Towards her any more
And I think I’m fading
And I think I’m fading

Where I am supposed to go
I’ve killed the beautiful in my life
How I wish this wasn’t so
I killed the beautiful in my life
I did it, I did it, I did it
I hate everything about me now
I’ve killed the most beautiful thing in my life
And now all I can do is try
Try to bring her back into my life

I can’t think straight
Anymore
The words won’t come to me
I can’t see straight
Through the tears that are falling from eyes
It’s no surprise and I disguise what I feel
It’s no surprise that I can’t lie anymore
It’s no surprise that my heart is breaking like
Never before

I killed the beautiful in my life
I killed the one that kept me alive
I killed her with this selfish pride
I killed the beautiful in my life
And now all I can do is put my head in my hands and cry

Why did have to hurt an angel
Why did this happen at all
How can I ever look her in the eye again
How can I live after the fall
When I’m broken in a million pieces
my heart’s in so many pieces
From the fall, from the cliff that I jumped off

I killed the beautiful in my life
I killed the one thing that kept me alive
I killed the beautiful for it, for nothing
I killed the beautiful and now all I can do is cry
I killed the wonderful of the one
Of the one who taught me to be alive
I killed the most beautiful thing in my life

what can you do when it's over and now you're really in love.

I can't move on

you've still got your life
and that's what I'm missing
you've still got the world ahead of you
now I'm stuck wondering where I'm going
how am I going to get there without you
it seems I lost everything with you
it seems that I have nothing left to prove
but I do, I need to prove that I love you
I need to prove I need you
I need to prove that I'll be true

so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
it's to hard to just close the door
when all you really want is still where it was before
so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
even though my mind wants me to close the door
but the truth is that now I love you more
but the truth is that now i love you more

I am now at the bottom again
of a bottomless pit that I hope has an end
and when I reach the top I hope I'll see you there
I hope to look at you then without feeling so scared
I've lost everything lately, my world's falling down
you were the only perfect piece, you said I was to you too
so how is perfect ever going to be again , without you
all I've got left is the chance to stand and be counted a man
all I ve got left is the hope that you'll still love me in the end
so I'm hanging by a thread and hoping that you'll hold me
because without you my life now feels so empty

so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
it's to hard to just close the door
when all I ever wanted is still where it was before
so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
even though my mind tells me to close the door
the truth is, yeah the truth is that now I love you more
the truth is, I feel it with all of my heart, now I love you more

when it's over sometimes then you see what you have lost.

I can't move on

you've still got your life
and that's what I'm missing
you've still got the world ahead of you
now I'm stuck wondering where I'm going
how am I going to get there without you
it seems I lost everything with you
it seems that I have nothing left prove
but I do, i need to prove I love you
I need to prove I need you
I need to prove that I'll be true

so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
it's to hard to just close the door
when all you really want is still where it was before
so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
even though my mind wants me to close the door
but the truth is that now I love you more
but the truth is that now i love you more

I am now at the bottom again
of a bottomless pit that i hope has an end
and when I reach the top I hope I'll see you there
I hope to look at you then without feeling so scared
I've lost everything lately, my world's falling down
you were the only perfect piece, you said I was to you
so how is perfect ever going to be , without you
all I've got left is the chance to stand and be counted man
all I ve got left is the hope that you'll still love me in the end
so I'm hanging by a thread and hoping that you'll hold me
because without you my life now feels so empty

so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
it's to hard to just close the door
when all I ever wanted is still where it was before
so I just can't move on
I just can't move on
even though my mind tells me to close the door
the truth is, yeah the truth is that now I love you more
the truth is, I feel it with all of my heart, now I love you more

Thursday, July 14, 2005

this is a song............hmm yeah it's a song

I live to be

Here you come
My light in the darkness
To save me from
My endless restlessness

I live to be
Near you when you laugh
I live to see
Your smile light up the day
I want to know
Everything I can to love you
I want to go
And whisper that I love you so
You are my life

Here you come
the light your loveliness
Uncovering, healing
My complete blindness

I live to be
Near you when you laugh
I live to see
Your smile light up the day
I want to know
Everything I can to love you
I want to go
And whisper that I love you so
You are my life

from: my parent's divorce


I Love You (Mom and Dad)

Sometimes I wonder what my parents thought
When I was a baby in a cradle being rocked
I wonder if they knew it would turn out like this
That they would be swinging on a daily hit and miss

Though they’re not speaking they care about me
And though they’re struggling I can see
They care about my life
But I wish they could end this strife

I love you daddy will you please stop fighting
I love you daddy will you lay your pride down
I love you daddy will you please ask forgiveness
I love you daddy will you learn to love like Jesus

Times change and time goes around
Sometimes we can’t all stand on the same ground
But sometimes you just have to give up and give in
God’s given this for us to live through and in

There’s two sides to every argument they say
I know it’s true I see it every day
But we’ve got to settle only our own
And give in or go all alone

I love you mommy will you let you heart heal
I love you mommy I know the pain you feel
I love you mommy will you please ask forgiveness
I love you mommy will you learn to trust in Jesus

At times there was anger
But mostly I cried
Watching you go your separate ways
Even though so hard I’d tried

I feel so heartbroke
And torn inside
I’m trying hard not to notice it
But tears don’t lie

I love you mommy & daddy take life day by day
I love you mommy & daddy please forgive the past
I love you mommy & daddy and I always will
I love you mommy & daddy will you please learn to love like Jesus

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Shortness of Forever

The Shortness of Forever

Have you ever noticed the shortness of forever
When you hold that one in your arms
And time accelerates and flies
Ticking, ticking away inexorably
Counting down to goodbye

Forever I wish could be today
Holding her in my arms staring at her face
But time ticks a quiet tune
A lullaby of the fleeing seconds
Until it tells us it’s time too soon

There’s only so much time in life
To make her laugh, hold her as she cries
To make memories of an evening
Of fireflies dancing and stars shining
Until the clock chimes leaving

I hope someday to stop the sun
Still in it’s path above
Until I have time show her all I love
About the way she smiles and winks
How she sets my heart racing
And what she makes me think

Someday I will stop the sun above
And in that day I’ll hold her
And give her all my love

Everything I have to show
All the things she needs to know

And when in forever we have been
And when we are ready once again

I’ll reach up and give the sun a gentle shove
And we’ll start back from forever
With a forever of love

Rock Island

Rock Island

Life’s a hurricane of regrets
And a storm of what I never did
The waves that crash on my paradise
Wash over my peaceful life
Sometimes I need somewhere to go
I need somewhere to be weak
Somewhere I can find strength

You’re a rock island for me
You’re my place of peace
You’re a rock island for all my dreams
You’re a rock island for me
You’re my lovely retreat
You’re a fortress for all my emotions
And as my waves come
Crashing onto your shore
I want you to know
I’m so glad I’m not lonely anymore

So is paradise for real
Is it true to trust what I feel
Or is it hoping for a fountain of youth
Yet living without the complete truth
Yeah I want a paradise island
But I’d rather have strength
I’d rather have surety than paradise
So I’ll be what I want you to be

I’ll be a rock island for you
I’ll be here standing true
I’ll be a rock island of firm devotion
I’ll be a rock island for you
A place to come too
a rock island where dreams come true
And as your waves come
Crashing onto my shore
I’ll listen to know
Just how to show love to you

Yeah I’ll be a rock island for you
I’ll be a rock island for you
You’re a rock island for me
Maybe we can build a castle of all our emotion

I’ll be a rock island for you
You’re the rock island for me
We can be unshakeable in our devotion

Build a together forever
Watch the storms roll by
From our rock island sturdy and strong
Build a love that lasts though the years are long

I’ll be a rock island for you
You’re a rock island for me
Maybe we can build a castle of all our emotion

I’ll be a rock island for you
You’re the rock island for me
Build a rock unshakeable from all our devotion

Build a together forever
Watch the storms roll by
From our rock island sturdy and strong
Build a love that last though the years are long

Thursday, July 07, 2005

inspired by my mom :)

Walking in a dream
Vaguely all around me
Lies something only half-perceived
Surrounding and covering
Saving and redeeming

Still I can’t see
I can’t even see
All it means to me
Living in this life
Is like walking in a dream

(chorus) We are walking in a dream
We’ll wake up in death
To find He is what He seems
The love of Christ amazing
The love of Christ so pure
And we’ll only know it fully
When we reach heaven’s doors

Briefly all I feel
A touch of love so quiet and still
Restoring and healing
Helping and believing

Still I can’t see
I can’t even see
All it means to me
Living in this life
Is like walking in a dream

(chorus) We are walking in a dream
We’ll wake up in death
To find He is what He seems
The love of Christ amazing
The love of Christ so pure
And we’ll only know it fully
When we reach heaven’s doors

Solely on Him rely
This is truly what I need all I cry
Needing and Hoping
Waiting and dreaming

I want to see
I long to see
All You mean to me
Living in this life
Is like walking in a dream

(chorus) We are walking in a dream
We’ll wake up in death
To find He is what He seems
The love of Christ amazing
The love of Christ so pure
And we’ll only know it fully
When we reach heaven’s doors
And His glory will surround us
In that Holy place
And I can’t wait to see Him
Just to look into His face
We’ll be awake in Heaven
To know He is what He seems

my sins are beyond my erasing and only in letting them go can I be free. so I give them to God and let the past be dead and buried.

Don't carry the load

As you pass them by
Broken travelers along the road
Can you feel the pain inside
Carrying their heavy loads

You understand their pain
You don’t want to feel that again
Because they are struggling with
Holding onto their sin

Don’t carry a load
That’s not yours to hold
Don’t forget the grace
Don’t forget your place
You’re only a son
Don’t forget what He’s done
Just let your sin go
Don’t carry the load

You watch them cry
And you wish you could help
Their smiles can’t hide the pain
but you can only ask for yourself

Bent over with care and worry
They think they’re forgotten
But He’s standing right there with a hand
On their own sin they’ve chosen

Don’t carry a load
That’s not yours to hold
Don’t forget the grace
Don’t forget your place
You’re only a son
Don’t forget what He’s done
Just let your sin go
Don’t carry the load

In my own life
There are sins I can’t hide
Eating me apart tearing my heart
Though to sin I’ve died

For forgiveness I cry

I can’t carry the load
It’s not mine to hold
I can’t forget Your grace
I can’t forget my place
I’m only a son
I can’t forget what He’s done
I’ll let my sin go
I can’t carry the load

The future is what matters, the past is dead and gone. what you were you don't have to be. So you want to be is who you can become.

Stability

The rock I wish I was
I’m not
I know I lack
stability
And it seems to me

That I’m not up
And I’m not down
I just keep spinning all around
And I’m not here and I’m not there
I don’t think I am anywhere

I look and see
I try to find me
In all of my reality
And It’s clear to me
I’m anywhere but near
Where I want to be

The world spins away life
Change
It comes so easily
Completely
Overtaking me
And it seems

That I’m not up
And I’m not down
I just keep spinning all around
And I’m not here and I’m not there
I don’t think I am anywhere

I look and see
I try to find me
In all of my reality
And It’s clear to me
I’m anywhere but near
Where I want to be

The place I wish I was
Seems far
Am I just wishing
on a star
I want to be Anywhere but

Up and yet not down
As I keep spinning all around
Not here and not yet there
I don’t think I am anywhere

I look and see
I try to find me
In all of my reality
And it’s clear to me
I’m anywhere but near
Where I want to be

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I don't know what to say about this one.

Have you been there

I am afraid of what I cannot see
Afraid to leave life incomplete
Afraid to jump into the storm together
Afraid that we won’t make it through the weather

If you can please tell me the truth
If you could I’d like to know if you would
Should I or should I wait for a different time

Have you been there
Where I’m going
Have you done this
What I’m doing
Have you seen that
What I’m dreaming
Can you tell me now
Before I start going down this road

Is it all worth it
Will it all work out
Can I really find love
Is this what life’s about

Ready to go for a ride
Ready to step out into life and dive
Ready to dream brand new dreams
Ready to make life more than it seems

If you can please tell me the truth
If you could I’d like to know if you would
Should I or should I wait for a different time

Have you been there
Where I’m going
Have you done this
What I’m doing
Have you seen that
What I’m dreaming
Can you tell me now
Before I start going down this road

Is it all worth it
Will it all work out
Can I really find love
Is this what life’s about

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Love that can change us love that can save us oh the wonderful grace of God

One Look

A child traced Jesus in red crayon
In Sunday school that morning
All he knew was that he died
To save all people by dying

A young boy killed a man
In an alley that Sunday evening
All he knew was he’d hated him
But still his heart kept aching

He stood still scared of what he’d done
Slowly a paper floated down
Lost from a childish hand on the way home
But now by God’s grace found

One look that’s all it took
For him to lay his hatred down
One look that’s all it took
For the tears to flow to the ground
One look that’s all it took
Into Jesus face so full of grace
One look that’s all it took
He believed and he was saved

He dropped his weapon to his side
Head hung down tears flowing
From wounds hidden deep inside
A cold heart now breaking

His world changed in that moment
A light shone through the skies darkening
A lifetime of pain exchanged
Replaced by life in hope everlasting

One look that’s all it took
For him to lay his hatred down
One look that’s all it took
For the tears to flow to the ground
One look that’s all it took
Into Jesus face so full of grace
One look that’s all it took
He believed and he was saved

Sinless yet he chose to become sin
A sinful people to be delivering
The sinners not the righteous
Wholly in His Father trusting

Creation laid before His eyes
The Father’s perfect plan in the making
Riches to gain but only through pain
A crown and a throne for the taking

One look that’s all it took
For Him to lay His glory down
One look that’s all it took
For Him to choose the thorns as a crown
He laid His will aside and died
For you and I