Sunday, October 29, 2006

I hate myself
I hate this scene
seeing, hearing
only me

hate my none existent
dreams
hate my self created
tragedy

here in the world
I imagine
standing in the middle
of this mansion
built for the dead
right here in my head

I hate myself
can't you see
my pride causes
this apathy

sleep soundly
I will now
death is what
life's all about

I'm dead already
in my dreams
this face is not
what it seems

walk the line of death
with me,
see my skeleton
beneath
these clothes
this smile
of I am death's
living child

I hate myself
I hate this scene
see through me
I beg you please

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

causal perceptions
quite unperceived
the momentary emotion
soon begging to leave

What can you see
from the height
of the Redwood tree

the shifting landscape
to which I've escaped
hiding among boulders
a weight on my shoulders

I've loved in the moment
but failed to own it
walked in the night
on a pathway of light

danced on a lake
on a moonlight staircase
leading to heaven
toward the perfect place

started a landslide
just to find in the end
I'm trapped inside

never inquired of, only questioned
my two hands and feet
the mind that in thinking
plans it's own defeat

My casual perception of you
which I never really see
that momentary emotion of love
quickly begging to leave
break me down
brick by brick
throw me down
one vicious kick

to my head
then i'll be dead
take my life
that I failed to live
take this world
that I didn't give

the depth of mercy
to those who hurt me

now God forgive
I'm just a kid
nineteen without a clue
no reason to do what I do

So shoot me down
the blood's on my hands
like a lamb without a sound

before the slaughter
I loved once, but not her

she loved me, I don't care
you don't know, you weren't there
when I lied one too many times
faking it just to get by
oh I lied, now I die,

inside
the heartbeats that deride
this waning strength, faltering stride
coursing blood through my veins
all the pretty, pretty things
that I see, that I need
to make my life complete

break me down
brick by brick
if you kill me now

will that atone
for the deeds I've done
the evil sown

with these hands
from my mouth
all my plans that
have fallen out

of my grasp
and flown away
to far to fast
thank God
life doesn't last

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

this is not autobiographical....

two hearts coming together
in the dark, then falling apart
one of them in love for the night
the other for the rest of their life

you and me falling together in the dark
you hated my smile
hated how it drove you wild
hated the way you fell for me
knowing I wasn't falling for you
you were just too good to be true

I didn't feel anything
only the way you held me close
why i couldn't see you
maybe I was living, eyes closed
you didn't leave me
more I left you, left you with the pieces
of the memories
hating me, I still keep hating me

I still miss, miss my devil
with an angel's kiss
miss my angel with that devil's smile
in the picture on my dresser
that shows me a captive to your wiles

Two hearts coming together
in the dark, then falling apart
one of them in love for the night
the other for the rest of their life

Saturday, October 07, 2006

a dime and a quarter

just to wait and be silent
in the moment
to hold everything still
with your will

just to stop the ticking of time
with a dime
with a quarter turn the hands
holding time

forward or backward as you please
memories to seize
summers to forever relive again
tame life's wind

this is the dream in which I soar
is it yours
or do you dream of what is to come
what is to be done

I dream of past, live for the future
just to be sure
that I don't miss a moment of what was
or what will be

so for the moment give me a dime
to stop time
with a quarter we will find a way to fly
to long lost summer's of day's long gone by

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

inspire me, in my weakness
to aspire to the light
curse the ire of this bleakness
curse the flame that won't ignite

With the sparks thrown
down before the gasoline
death cometh soon
even though it lies unseen

on the ground beneath
you can smell it can't you
breathe in the acrid taste
of suicide's cold embrace

Inspire me in my weakness
to aspire to the light
curse the imposing bleakness
curse the will to survive

despite the deeds, that call for death
moments of body from mind bereft
in passion of the flesh
this withered corpse all that's left

Feel the dryness of my skin
for a moment with me kneel
take it all in, take in my sin
forgive me Lord, let me live again

Inspired now by weakness
to aspire to the light
curse my shame, selfishness
that built this pity pyre,
on which to die tonight

Monday, October 02, 2006

A little bored and lazy

Maybe I'm a little bored and lazy
But only for a while and only lately
I think I realize I'm really crazy
Oh so crazy, oh so crazy for you baby

So I think I'll sit, watch the stars
Catch lightning bugs in a jar
Try and find a dream to take me far
Away from here to find you baby

And maybe I'm a little bored and lazy
But only for a while and only lately
I think you realize I'm really crazy
So, So crazy for you, my baby

So darlin' let me take you hand
We can walk, then run, yes we can
Through a field of little yellow daisies
Let's be just a little crazy, oh so crazy

We can be a little bored and lazy
But only for a while, just tonight baby
Now I know for sure I'm really crazy
Oh so crazy, oh so crazy for you baby
Is it safe, where you are?
Is the sun shining bright?
Do you feel God smiling?
Is the moon alive tonight?
Can you feel God breathing?
When the wind blows.
Are you anxiously awaiting winter?
Waiting for the snows.
So sit quietly and I'll smile at you,
From the autumn colors,
of the tree right in front of you.