not only what you see

2010-07-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

Avidly

Advocating

Absinthe

After

All

Aspirations

Against

Allowing

Asterisk

Allocations

Around

Actions

Activively

Ailling

Abruptly

Aborted

Activities

2010-07-31T07:15:00.000-07:00

Poor in spirit, strong in heart.

Poor Pockets, happy hearts.

Strip this map to one point,

strip this heart to your beat.

Holding hands on the street corner

under the gas lamps heat.

Holding hands to feel weak.

Feel this rythm with her, for her.

Feel this in a basement bar on a monday

with friends smoked to the filter.

2010-07-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

In not so many words say what you mean

Cross your heart

and on these guitar strings, bleed.

Sax and bass devouring

Throbbing drumline acquiring

Your Soul

2010-07-31T07:09:00.000-07:00

Pretend you weren't the victim

refined in your dreams

foolish to imagine

she didn't mean the deed

Your hands on my throat

Dig for the knife

in your black waistcoat

Find my liver if you can

for I will rush a million pilgrims

if through their blood

I can feel your hand.

2010-07-31T07:05:00.000-07:00

Friday night's a frenzy.

A dance malady

Trampling the whole.

Broken melodies enveloping

all parts, invigorating

an already overly embellished scene

The Veneer

2010-05-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

Here’s to new beginnings

To the friendships that will come

To those now left by the wayside

Necessarily disposed, there is no controlling

Destiny will have its way

Time will continue its unraveling

Precious life disintegrates

What time do I really spend with another

Five minutes before the movie

Five minutes after,

one moment of earnest interest

Once every month or so,

do I live or simply,

Peer into the veneer of this profundity

Which my brief existence can never touch

2010-03-13T08:40:00.000-08:00

The clouds on dismal thrones are seated
holding the rain, and with a tremulous
gesture, dump it forth on caged men.

2010-03-01T20:28:00.000-08:00

To what do I owe this pleasure
You are beautiful, tonight will be a treasure.

Some make love to beautify life
Others to prove their beauty
I am the former not the latter

2010-03-01T17:20:00.000-08:00

I think on which I see abounding before
me against everything which I believe.

2010-03-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

tragedy in a self pronounced failing
choices abounding afraid of finding stability
natural footing on the available ground
I have not sought and never will
which is easier by far but never will instill
a sense of passion for anything.

I am too far removed.

2010-03-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

In me, In I, In roads that lead the blind

2010-03-01T17:07:00.001-08:00

This life is my butterfly
It's fragile wings are my dreams

2008-10-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

no poet lies here
in this grave unmarked
no wisdom abides
shining in this dark

symptoms abound
verdicts ring true
from lips unhinged
by the withering proof

alone, for I am not like you
dead, for I am rotted to the core
like the oak of a cenury or more
dying a lone sentinel at the door
goblin and ghost haunting the moor
till death takes me forevermore

2008-02-17T22:13:00.000-08:00

If I could die just a little bit older
Live a little longer, before I grow colder
Light a fire and fan the flames
To change a world, remember this name

If I could die just a little bit older
In the end will it matter?
No, I’ll simply repeat my passing tomorrows
Just growing older with more sorrows
For if who I am has done nothing
Then who I will be, will do the same
And bring tomorrow, yesterday’s pain
Remember, tomorrow is not the day
Today is day, as if no tomorrow
live for this moment with purpose
and no disappointment will follow
to bite at the heels
nip at flesh till it rips, peels away
leaving a barren, bleached skeleton
to face this fading sunset of day

Life is such a wonder
A waste for some
As they aimlessly ponder
Am I such as those who daily think
And think, and think, staring at
the well of life, never bothering to drink
it seems so to me, for I daily sit and think
of missed opportunities of past dreams
that sat then on the edge, now on the brink
of the toilet bowl that I make of life

But time is if anything changing
Thus life which runs by time is changing
And so I change and shift
Slide from time to place to time again
Dream and die and dream again
Live to love and live to kill
All in the same nightmare
But there’s always a way out
For those who are motivated
But not always devout
There’s hope for me
If I but shake my doubt

2008-02-02T04:40:00.000-08:00

There are no worlds,
That will not drive me crazy.
No thoughts, that fail to blow my mind;
For though conscious, I’m barely breathing.
Though living, I feel as if,
I’ve died.

Spin faster and pull me into reason.
Slow down so I can understand.
There are no answers to the questions.
There is no one to hold my hand.

What makes some go bolder outward,
And closes others deep inside.
What makes some explore their fantasies,
And drives others to Everest’s heights.

Hold on for I hold no answer
To why the world spins so slow
Sink down into your only disguises
Or learn to live within the show

2008-02-02T04:39:00.000-08:00

Some find reasons to live
Others reasons to die
I found both in my short time
Choosing between the two
Is not a decision of mine
I’m in no hurry to get things done
World keeps rushing, rushing
Till everyone’s dead and no one’s won

God Is Going To Get Sick of Me (Aberdeen City)

2007-11-06T01:51:00.000-08:00

Caught, caught in the way
In the way of a bus
The lease is up. The lease is up.
They break our legs to prove a point
The lease is up. The lease is over

A bible in one hand, he makes decisions
The lease is up
Ordered his gun and its done and its done and done
An Hysteric at the top
Saying everything is safe
Ordered his gun and its done and its done
Ordered his gun and its done and

God is Going to get sick of me
And the accident
That takes the beat from my heart
Will look like it was my fault

Spend one more day backed into a corner
The lease is up, the lease is up
Impossible to lose support gets stronger
Each time something frightens them
You'll set it rightI know I know

God is Going to get sick of me
And the accident
That takes the beat from my heart
Will look like his
You said I get it, i get it, i get it alright
And that nothing can be taken and that nothing can be taken from me
After I've stopped waiting for an ambulance to come and get me

God is Going to get sick of me
And the accident
That takes the beat from my heart
Will look like it was my fault

LGFUAD (Motion City Soundtrack)

2007-11-06T01:43:00.000-08:00

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm speaking figuratively, of course.
Like the last time that I committed suicide,Social suicide.
Yeah so I'm already dead, on the inside,But I can still pretend.
With my memories and photographs,I've learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah.
Let me in,Let me in to the club.
Cause I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong.
And if memory serves.
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

*********(In this department)**************

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie.
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect and I have learned to accept:
All my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my Forget-Me-Nots and Marigolds,
And all the things that don't get old.
Is it legal to do this?
I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself.
Through other peoples' descriptions of life.
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless.

**********(In this department)************

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling,We'll try not to smile.
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night,
That’s no shock and surprise.
I believe that I can
overcome this and beat everything in the end.
But I choose to abuse for the time being.
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister Soldier you’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame.
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash,
And my memory lacks initiative.
Goddamn the liquor store's closed.
We're so close to scoring.It hurts, it destroys, 'till it kills.
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.

*********(In this department)***********

to die slowly

2007-11-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

boredom's scathing
while the heart
remains beating
an ulcer my stomach
begins eating
tormented tormoil
that I do not deserve
wishing in this moment
to see beyond the earth's curve
maybe there is peace in some new land
where new faces surround and abound
lost I might be, but lost in silence no pain
no anger to disturb and arraign
the subtleties which I prize above all
whispers in the wind that always call
saying there is a lake crystal clear
that if you only keep swimming
all numbness, hatred and pain disappear
here in the pit of humanity I remain
for only as long as this life appears gain

2007-07-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

divide and conquer
dividing my mind
to destroy
the monsters
that persistently persist
to abide without purpose in my mind
i wish that they could discern a reason
and in haunting me become good or evil
for I am simply a soul to cling on
i despis these monsters of mine
for leaving me in limbo simply surviving on food and wine
simply surviving, no purpose in my eyes
so to all those whose demons drive them to defy
gravity and the law of life
be pleased that you have rythm and rhyme
for my monters are unable to define or even begin to find
the answer to the question why?

2007-07-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

there's a strange quality
in the deep blue, the silence adds an eerie hue
to the depths of the ocean's blue
chilling is the clarity
where dazzling wonders reside
peaceful but deadly the ocean waves lap the shoreline
the silence soflty pondering what secrets lie beneath
it's unbroken, yet ever breaking surface

2007-07-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am the antecedant
of the busy worder ant
who climbs the bark of an oak tree
up and up for fifty feet
and tirelessly travels down
continuing on it's destined way

2007-07-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

if it must begin let it begin as such
on the corner of waverly drive
with a soft rain falling on your cheek
wet kisses and slowdances on the wet grass beneath
finding a quiet, beautiful moment that we both seek
sought after but elusive, remains this chemistry
that we mixed quite quickly, swiftly bonding
through the look in your eyes to my heart
my heart grasping your soul
with no desire to let go
so hold tightly under this blanket of rain
release all your sorrows, this night will swallow your pain
leaving us with only a newfound peace to gain

2007-05-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

straight from the hip
to drip from your lips
so sweet the bang
so deep the pain
when you've squeezed
the trigger

oh, so long forgotten innocence
they say I'm deserving of
higher destinies then penance
thought penance is all I desire

black hearts that dance to
a dark and pounding sound
shaking the heartbeats into
a disturbed oblivion

friend for me oh friend of mine
cross no rivers to save me
cry no tears to dissuade me
for the nightfall falls on me with a vengeance
and now I must begin forever my penance

2007-05-04T23:29:00.001-07:00

If you have forward vision
Then I’m the rearview mirror
You never use, that’s why
Your imperfections couldn’t be clearer
If God listed them

This is your vision
I am only your inhibitions
Wrapped up and tied
With a shiny red bow
Oh I think you know

That your paranoia only draws
You back to me, can’t you see
The empty closet, empty locket
Where your clothes and face used to be
So I’ve drawn the line
You sit and pine behind it
Missing the feelings in
the summer of love photographs

but I am no poet
no stage do I command
I have a simple quest in life
To die a shameless man

Dance, I’ll dance alone to daybreak
And run with the morning sun
I’ll lie awake till daybreak
Wishing this wasn’t how it’s done
This is how love’s done

2007-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

I wonder if…
I would cry no
At the end of the road
When my veins were emptied on the floor

I wonder if…
The blackness fading in
Would make me wish for life again

I wonder if…
Half way down
From the bridge’s edge I’d scream
And wish that it was all a horible dream

I am, just that weak
But still so lonely…
only because I choose
To be an only

Too weak to die
Afraid to live, unsatisfied
Petrified by this aching in my heart
That despite my efforts will never subside

I had arms to hold me
Could I go forth boldly?
Do I deserve anything true
I don’t think I deserve you
But I don’t have you, is the irony
And you don’t deserve to have to suffer with me

2007-04-17T20:38:00.001-07:00

Young I was
As we all once were
Older I’ve become
Although young I remain
I’ve traveled so far
But it feels like the same plane
That face I see isn’t mine
Recognized on the outside
But I can’t see to the inside
Past green eyes that dissuade
Like a winter hailstorm
Keeping me from venturing further
Take a picture and look into your eyes
As a child, as a boy, an almost man
Peer into those eyes and ponder
Do you know who lives behind them
In your body, do you know him
I’m not sure I know him

I Wonder

2007-04-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

can this moon be full forever
you know I wish it would
then we could lay like this forever
the way we both know we should

your eyes locked in mine
your hands caresses
send tingles down my spine
hands and bodies entwined

I can see right to your soul
through those pretty eyes
I see that you're beautiful
I say that you're beatiful inside

I wonder, can you see my soul
right behind these eyes
do you think I'm beautiful too
to you, to you
you're the one I want
to be beautiful to

can this moon be full forever
and this starlit darkness never fade
to grey, pale pink, then flaming orange
as the night sky gives way to day

your eyes locked in mine
the world stops spinning side to side
this is what I searched to find
I tell you, you're beautiful inside
your smile says I'm beautiful too
to you, to you
you're the only one I want
to be beautiful to

Believe Me

2007-04-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

It's enough, I'll change
for what I want is what
lies beyond my grasp
and my desires have flown
out of my hand like chaff
in the wind, a summer breeze
blowing, blowing through
my skin, down to the bone
like a knife sharp from the stone
skinning away my flesh
leaving all of my agony exposed
I miss you too much
this you already know
even though I suppose
with time you'll grow cold
for me and warm to another
with time's passing I to
will be able to discover
love without your smile
so I will go on and survive
learn to live beyond my lie
but you, you go on my darling
please go on knowing I've changed
you were the change in my life

Collide

2007-03-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

where is there room to doubt
when in purity of heart and soul
two bodies collide, separate, fragment
then in each other become whole

for a mind knows it's equal
and a soul discerns it's twin
the eyes seek a well of understanding
the hands forge a new beginning

clasped together or simply resting
his hand on her leg, her hand
on his hand softly, simply resting

It's the abscence of phrases
the abscence of sound
when two know each other
their essences fully surround

A comfort in knowing she knows
all that is within me all that I hold
A comfort in knowing that I know
all that is within her all that she holds

A strength that is born
of the intimacy of the hearts
that empowers a man
to run to where the horizon starts

where is there room to doubt
when in purity of heart and soul
two bodies collide, separate, fragment
then in each other become whole

this I recovered from the archives

2007-03-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

you dream of life
I will dream of death
the deepening cleft
on the surface of my heart
from which I was bereft
of love and filled with hate
a hate which i have yet to escape
dream, I dare not, ignore I do
the past for I wish to destroy
any evidence of the truth
that what I had was real
or was it all a dream,
wonderful nightmare
I prefer to walk in the clouds
relax in a chair above all cares
above the green grass below
watching this small world spin so slow

2007-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

it's in the mountains of above
where we went to look for love
the steeples climbing high
jagged cliffs from which to fly
a forest of green lining a waterfall
the storm clouds chasing in above it all

you in your white dress
I in my blue jeans
oh I remember you were laughing
I knew that this was it
oh I remember you were laughing
at the raindrops falling, on my face

so we ran lept from the waterfall
off the end of the world in each others arms
shooting across the sky like a comet
past every planet, pluto you're still a planet
if you take this hand
and swing us around
back to earth where we will land
in the soft grass, the air carrying
the scent of rain to our bodies
and you were smiling, you were smiling
a smile that caught me by surprise
for it was then I realized
that your smile was handcrafted for my eyes
that these two lives were formed to coincide

what is it?

2007-03-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

it's not the dance
but the feeling right before it
the tingling in the skin
right before the waltz begins

it's not quite love
but the sensation in the air
as your hearts gates opening
show each a new beginning

it's not your smile
but your eyes right before it
as they begin laughing
before your laugter's singing

it's not your beauty
but you sweep these feet off the ground
it is that you make this troubled boy a man
and you make this man a boy with a wave of your hand

it's not that I miss you
but that you're not here to hold
when my outline on the wall
becomes faded and I feel less than tall

it is that I love you
for all that is in you
for the strength the weakness
the depression your sadness

when troubles surround you
i wish to be there
as your shoulder to cry on
i will always care

for no man can harm you
or change what God's done
his perfection is what I'm in love with
you are the diamond still unsung
but only to those who look without eyes
for those who can see, fall in love with your eyes

2007-03-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

we can make it out tonight
everything will be alright
just take my hand and walk
under this cloudy skied moonlight

you have tears that need to fall
I know that I can catch them all
all I want is to hold you
in the dark times
when light is fading
on happier times

we can make it out tonight
everything will be alright
just take my hand and walk
under this cloudy skied moonlight

2007-03-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

Is it the object, the objective
or simply objectively failing
from your viewpoint,
that is intestinally terrifying
to the point of freezing
this heart made of stone.
to the point of squeezing
blue blood from these veins

trying to fail or failing to try
in this forest of clearings
where I perceive only trees.
isn't the answer but merely
the idea of chasing falling leaves
until they have all reached the ground
and two years has passed into sound

speech class

2007-02-27T11:51:00.000-08:00

shaking hands, quavering voice
thirty pairs of eyes piercing, staring
trembling legs, knees at the lock
vision blurred, glances quick, darting
from person to person, floor to ceiling
no time now to pause time for healing
pride on display, even if you're humble
all ears straining for a single fumble
of a sentence, a word, mispronounciation
the key to falling into failures many variations
cheeks red, throat flushed
sweat forming on forehead, dripping from eyebrows
the fear has consummated it's hold on you now
and will not relinquish it's grasp
as gasping, making another pass
at point number two on an outline of three
one minute three seconds into a four to six minute eternity

2007-02-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

chasing down and down
spinning circles into the ground
fall away the darkness sways
and discipline abounds in nothing
nothing ever surfaces at all
directionally challenged
hopes remain unbalanced
in the evening's fall, sunset dying
as chasing we become the difference
wait, now wait for all to find out
following your fading vapor underground
chasing down and down
spinning circles into the ground

the best sentence ever..

2007-02-21T20:31:00.000-08:00

"Infinite mortality in the host of humanity is the pre-ordered zenith solidly establishing our incompleteness."

Stand Alone

2007-02-18T23:12:00.000-08:00

Stand alone
Create the spine
For others to cling to
Forsake the supine
Replacing defeat with victory
And in victory find true defeat
At the foot of a bloody cross, at His feet

Stand alone
Be the man, that all those others
Say you can, amidst the turmoil
Rise and stand, learn to be wrong
And learn to be right, when to prepare
and when to fight, learn to accept this dare

Stand, Stand alone
Be the hero
In a story that’s your own
There’s a world in need
And a willing heart’s the key
The first stanza was original
And now I’m just cliché
But remember to thank Him
For this new today

insomniac (the world of broken dreams)

2007-02-18T22:49:00.000-08:00

I can’t sleep
It must be my demons
I want to run away
But I know they’ll stay
With me stride for stride
Anyway

I can’t think
Clarity has since passed
I’m afraid of trying
so I stay up all night denying
that I am a little boy, crying
hiding

so here I am
a demon ridden apocalypse
with no brimstone no fire
and why because I have no desire
to be anything, or anyone
who am I, I don’t even care
this life is like grasping for the air
pursuing never finding
or never even trying

so who am I
why am I
why do you care
I’m just the air
Blowing for another sixty years
Faithfully crying over already spilt tears

Chase me now
I’ll dance with you
Like a leaf in the wind
The pageantry of fall
I will be awake tonight
The insomniac arises
I will feel the emptiness
Behind these disguises
And stay awake to emptily rise
Not enough sleep for the insane
No surprise, I’m not sane
Not tomorrow not today

cold for late september

2007-02-18T22:47:00.001-08:00

So cold for late September
My body can’t stand the weather
Lost my wife just last November
My dear daughter in that December

And when lights go down, on this side
Of a lonely one street town, when the lights
Go down, I cannot sleep for thoughts abound
Of my pretty little Emily, she was only sixteen
Of my lovely wife Elena, no I never quite could tame her
Oh the songs I cannot play, from the first kiss
Or the matrimony day, seems like yesterday

And when the lights go down, I realize
There are no lights for me, tears fall from my eyes
I lost my world in November
The rest of my heart in December
And now this lonely house, is all
I have left of my home, this is all

So I’ll write a song, I’ll write a sonnet
Search for my heart and chance upon it
In a wishing well, where the hopeful tell
That for a penny your dreams come true
But there’s my heart at the bottom
Buried up to the top in copper

But here’s a penny why not try
To change a fortune, change a life
Speculations all aside, if for a penny
I can be alive, just so they know
That they live on in my life

This is Bliss

2007-02-13T17:30:00.001-08:00

Can you feel that
The salt breeze
Blowing through your hair

Do you hear that
The soft splash
As the waves lap at our feet

I see you in the moonlight
A quiet calm in your smile
As your bright eyes look up
To embrace the rocky coastline

And if there’s a heaven
I pray it’s just like this
And if there are angels
Then I know one is missed

You’re my angel in this heaven
Soft sand as our bed
In this moonlight, this bright night
I can’t ask for more than this

Do you hear me
The soft whisper
As I speak your name

Can you feel me
The heartbeat
That’s bursting out of my veins

You see me in the moonlight
And I am not afraid
Of this angel right before me
In the moon’s sultry embrace

And if there’s a heaven
I pray it’s just like this
And if there are angels
Then I know that one is missed

You’re my angel in this heaven
Soft sand as our bed
In this moonlight, this bright night
I cannot wish for more than this
This is bliss

2007-01-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

it's a shakedown
go hide your secrets
clean out your closet
before I find your defects

it's a breakdown
you're my blownout tire
in the middle of this ice storm
that stole our desire

i'm gonna break out
go chase that sunrise
all through the moonlight
till the sun's in my eyes

can you see it
the hole in my eyes
right through my chest
the restlessness that
hasn't died yet

so shake your legs now
run for your life now
i'm gonna chase you down
i'm gonna shake you down

2007-01-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

So, what are you waiting on my love?
are you waiting on God to send you
a white knight, on wings from above?

So, what do your dreams lead you to see?
a white mansion on a hilltop, you white knight
galloping up the hillside on his white steed,
to sweep you off your feet making your heart fill with joy and leap.
together forever entwined in a meadow
full of daisies, protected on all sides by tall, strong oak trees

So I ask, what are you waiting on my love?
for I am not a white knight on a white steed
with a mansion and future as bright as these

But I have a dream for us in this quiet seaside town
where we can raise some children, after a few years
when we've seen it all and are ready to settle down

So, is this what you are dreaming of my love?
a man who'll never leave your side, ready for the test of time
all I really want to know is will you be mine,
for forever, we'll be together entwined
I know I may not be everything in your dreams
but you are the only thing I see in mine

Everything cold, dark, and bland

2007-01-29T00:18:00.000-08:00

Everything cold, dark and bland
About this world is what keeps me here
For everything else is so beautiful
That sometimes my soul begins to fly
Beyond this body to wherever this beauty is
It’s only the little things that bring me back
When I become cold, and it grows dark
When the lights go out in the park
On this wintry evening
All alone yet so fulfilled
I wish you could feel this
Can you feel the wind whisper
The snow laugh as it dances
The grass gossip about the tree
That sings in the midday sun
Everything cold, dark and bland
Is what keeps me here
And when I no longer feel these
I’ll fly away, like a paper bag in the wind
Tossed with the leaves, dancing with me
Maybe you can see what I mean
if you dance with me
dance with me in the wind
on a hilltop overlooking the valley of life
flee to the mountaintops that oversee
leap from them fearless
then you'll understand what I mean
for it is all so beautiful, yet so cold, dark, and bland
if it wasn't for the cold, dark, and bland
this beauty would levitate me
I pray I never forget to see
this beauty that encircling binds us yet frees
in perfection lifts and in imperfection ties us down

doors of consequences

2007-01-29T00:16:00.000-08:00

Gracefully inhibited by time
Constrained solely by a mind
Lacking the will to undermine
The walls that line this hallway
To the entrance of my sepulcher
Graveyard in the making
These bones are for breaking
This body for the taking
These eyes to watch the shaking

Point a finger at him at her
And it’s all the same to her
All the same to him and I chose
This hell to live, these doors to close
Behind me as I run
Away from you away from him
Away from this dim vague perception
Of the pending, converging reciprocation
God will judge before I die
And when I fail, I’ll fail to fly

My body, your body now
That’s all I have someway, somehow
Beauty, I see it easily, I see you’re beautiful
And it’s killing me, taking all that I believe
I am what I was meant to be
A machine, beautiful but heartless
Intricate, yet brutally purposeless

Watch the leaves fall
The winter winds bringing snow
The soft wind’s call
This is the beauty I know
The warm glow of a midsummer’s sunset
In amber painted on the wall of my world
The stream that leaps to life in spring
Freezing to death in the silent winter
A mighty tree crashing down
Impressing upon me a giant going down in splinters
Goliath of these woods the oak falls
And in it’s whining as it cracks
The trunk breaks, answering beauty’s call

Give me a warm white beach
Blue, white foam encrusted, waves
Crashing down on my castles in the sand
The warm saltwater, from my hand the white sand saves

Give me a hammock to lie down
And forget
Give a clear blue sky and white clouds
To shake regret

Wait some say for your dreams my child
And so we wait till we’ve forgotten them
Four walls close us in, mistake upon mistake
Deadbolt the doors and windows, life our life takes

Give I pray, my nineteen years back again
Five but five and I’ll change
Give but one so I can dissuade my soul from leaving
This world’s deranged plane

2007-01-16T16:20:00.000-08:00

I've got an evening I'll share
if you have a sunset to spare
just the two of us
to break the loneliness
no, I don't mind if you smile
I might even say it's beautiful
you're beautifully elegant
in a blazing july sunset
this is my evening to spare
thank you for the sunset we've shared
welcome to the night and darkness
yes it's mystical and you, you're beautiful
in the cold warmth of the silver moon
as it plays on your cheeks rests on your lips
I have a night to share till morning
I have a forever to share
if you have a life to spare

2006-10-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

I hate myself
I hate this scene
seeing, hearing
only me

hate my none existent
dreams
hate my self created
tragedy

here in the world
I imagine
standing in the middle
of this mansion
built for the dead
right here in my head

I hate myself
can't you see
my pride causes
this apathy

sleep soundly
I will now
death is what
life's all about

I'm dead already
in my dreams
this face is not
what it seems

walk the line of death
with me,
see my skeleton
beneath
these clothes
this smile
of I am death's
living child

I hate myself
I hate this scene
see through me
I beg you please

2006-10-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

causal perceptions
quite unperceived
the momentary emotion
soon begging to leave

What can you see
from the height
of the Redwood tree

the shifting landscape
to which I've escaped
hiding among boulders
a weight on my shoulders

I've loved in the moment
but failed to own it
walked in the night
on a pathway of light

danced on a lake
on a moonlight staircase
leading to heaven
toward the perfect place

started a landslide
just to find in the end
I'm trapped inside

never inquired of, only questioned
my two hands and feet
the mind that in thinking
plans it's own defeat

My casual perception of you
which I never really see
that momentary emotion of love
quickly begging to leave

2006-10-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

break me down
brick by brick
throw me down
one vicious kick

to my head
then i'll be dead
take my life
that I failed to live
take this world
that I didn't give

the depth of mercy
to those who hurt me

now God forgive
I'm just a kid
nineteen without a clue
no reason to do what I do

So shoot me down
the blood's on my hands
like a lamb without a sound

before the slaughter
I loved once, but not her

she loved me, I don't care
you don't know, you weren't there
when I lied one too many times
faking it just to get by
oh I lied, now I die,

inside
the heartbeats that deride
this waning strength, faltering stride
coursing blood through my veins
all the pretty, pretty things
that I see, that I need
to make my life complete

break me down
brick by brick
if you kill me now

will that atone
for the deeds I've done
the evil sown

with these hands
from my mouth
all my plans that
have fallen out

of my grasp
and flown away
to far to fast
thank God
life doesn't last

this is not autobiographical....

2006-10-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

two hearts coming together
in the dark, then falling apart
one of them in love for the night
the other for the rest of their life

you and me falling together in the dark
you hated my smile
hated how it drove you wild
hated the way you fell for me
knowing I wasn't falling for you
you were just too good to be true

I didn't feel anything
only the way you held me close
why i couldn't see you
maybe I was living, eyes closed
you didn't leave me
more I left you, left you with the pieces
of the memories
hating me, I still keep hating me

I still miss, miss my devil
with an angel's kiss
miss my angel with that devil's smile
in the picture on my dresser
that shows me a captive to your wiles

Two hearts coming together
in the dark, then falling apart
one of them in love for the night
the other for the rest of their life

a dime and a quarter

2006-10-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

just to wait and be silent
in the moment
to hold everything still
with your will

just to stop the ticking of time
with a dime
with a quarter turn the hands
holding time

forward or backward as you please
memories to seize
summers to forever relive again
tame life's wind

this is the dream in which I soar
is it yours
or do you dream of what is to come
what is to be done

I dream of past, live for the future
just to be sure
that I don't miss a moment of what was
or what will be

so for the moment give me a dime
to stop time
with a quarter we will find a way to fly
to long lost summer's of day's long gone by

2006-10-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

inspire me, in my weakness
to aspire to the light
curse the ire of this bleakness
curse the flame that won't ignite

With the sparks thrown
down before the gasoline
death cometh soon
even though it lies unseen

on the ground beneath
you can smell it can't you
breathe in the acrid taste
of suicide's cold embrace

Inspire me in my weakness
to aspire to the light
curse the imposing bleakness
curse the will to survive

despite the deeds, that call for death
moments of body from mind bereft
in passion of the flesh
this withered corpse all that's left

Feel the dryness of my skin
for a moment with me kneel
take it all in, take in my sin
forgive me Lord, let me live again

Inspired now by weakness
to aspire to the light
curse my shame, selfishness
that built this pity pyre,
on which to die tonight

A little bored and lazy

2006-10-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm a little bored and lazy
But only for a while and only lately
I think I realize I'm really crazy
Oh so crazy, oh so crazy for you baby

So I think I'll sit, watch the stars
Catch lightning bugs in a jar
Try and find a dream to take me far
Away from here to find you baby

And maybe I'm a little bored and lazy
But only for a while and only lately
I think you realize I'm really crazy
So, So crazy for you, my baby

So darlin' let me take you hand
We can walk, then run, yes we can
Through a field of little yellow daisies
Let's be just a little crazy, oh so crazy

We can be a little bored and lazy
But only for a while, just tonight baby
Now I know for sure I'm really crazy
Oh so crazy, oh so crazy for you baby

2006-10-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Is it safe, where you are?
Is the sun shining bright?
Do you feel God smiling?
Is the moon alive tonight?
Can you feel God breathing?
When the wind blows.
Are you anxiously awaiting winter?
Waiting for the snows.
So sit quietly and I'll smile at you,
From the autumn colors,
of the tree right in front of you.

die well, die young

2006-09-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Today as I wandered
with thoughts rushing about
Today as I pondered
my purpose, worldly clout

I was transfixed by a sight
which held me in it's power
The sight of a pool in it's final hour

Stagnant it lay quiet and worn
even though the world sped on
I stood still, torn
whether to praise it's peace
of be of death be warned

But in question
I presupposed the answer
for what is death but peace
from life's unrelapsing cancer

still unsure I wandered over
to sit on a stone peering at the water
which quietly lay as still as death
covering the muck in it's depth

then quickly and quietly
the silent fountain spoke to me
"live for the moment, die well, die young
wait not for life to be snatched from your lungs"

the corner mourner
a fountain still trickling
in spite of time
life's destined ending

echoed softly what I'd heard before
what I will remember evermore
a lesson from a stagnant pool by the way
a lesson for everyone, every tomorrow after today

"live for the moment, die well, die young,
wait not for life to be snatched from your lungs."

2006-09-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

I belong to something, to nothing
I belong to someone to no one
I belong to everything
in which resides life in fullness
I belong to all that is real
to the essences that i feel
in the wind, rain, stars, moon, and sun
to everything I have and have never done
I am awake,I dream of being asleep
I am alive yet drowning in the deep,
depths of failure to live life
this the awful, awful price
of the lack of courage to stand

Anberlin: Paperthin Hymn

2006-09-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

When your only friends are hotel rooms
hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
since your paper heart stopped beating
leaving me suddenly slone
will daybreak ever come?

who's going to call on Sunday morning?
who's going to drive you home?
I just want one more chance
to put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
over and over
A sleepless night becomes
bitter oblivion
these thoughts run through my head
over and over
complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings bring solemn warnings
to remember to kiss
the ones you love goodnight
you never know what temporal days may bring
so laugh, love, live free and sing
when life is in dischord, "Praise ye the Lord"

2006-08-23T18:37:00.000-07:00

you break and you bend
twist the beginning, end
cut your wrist to ease the pain
watch as blood pours like rain
onto the carpet beneath you
you can feel it escape through
the slice pouring out the agony
another still unforgiven tragedy
being spilt out of the veins
along with a million pains
that remain inside to stain
the heart, the mind, the soul
leaving an empty aching hole
to dim the lamp of life
to strangle all that's right
within the thoughts behind the eyes
that stare aimlessly lost deep in lies
when tomorrow is just twenty four hours to fill
with meaningless laughs,then life's a deadly pill
like a .45 to the face at the end of a binge
waking up with an overdose and syringe
in your arm, knowing you will die in an hour
it's that moment when you wish for the power
to live, to breathe, to run, to flee, to be
alive for just a sunrise
for just one more sunrise
but you don't have one more it's over

just so close, yet so far

2006-08-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

we are just so close
and yet so far
the chances are
so small

it's like I've known you
for a lifetime, and you were all mine
yet I just found out yesterday
that how I felt was just fine

but we are just so close
and yet so far
that wishing on that oh so
beautiful star
is all I can do
to carry me to you

so come to the sky with me
dance in the moonlight's sea of wonders
of stars that shine for you like never before
while God looks down on it all and ponders
why He made us so close
and yet so far
to do anything but dance
with the stars

for all we can do
is fly away for moonlight dances
try not to stray from friendship glances
desperately wishing for love's chances

you in your mind
and I in mine

there is a God who lives

2006-07-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

to feel nothing, to hate the side
that hates what is right
to such an extent to
internally fight
tearing the boundaries
of the mind and soul
desperate for queries
in which are answers
no more questioning
of the unquestionable
as if we can ever quench
what is unquencable
forget for a moment
the lies of youth
listen softly
to the tune of truth
for in the moment of desperation
lies the center that we seek
the unveiling of
that which lies beneath
right before our eyes
in the desperate moment
when the doubts arise
in the endless cesspool
of hate and doubt
rests in peace
truth beyond redoubt
stop now, listen in silence
remember the moments
of the soul's inner violence
in the moment of strife
wasn't peace standing there
in the time of tribulation
hope riding on wings in the air
so forget all thoughts
that have been thought before
that life is filled with endless pain
for in pain there is an open door
to peace and all that is desirable
for the body and mind
for the heart and soul
the devil to undermind
for if pain is his weapon
then only pleasure he gives
to those who understand this truth
that there is a God who lives

2006-06-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

The anomaly of sincerity
from day to day, hour to hour
is solely due to inconsistency
knowingly yet pretending
to not know
the truth that is pending
and impending self imposed doom
upon the giver or the taker
of this forever poisoned boon
of unfaithfulness and failure
the omnipresence of error
that would fain pass on
but to find a suitable song
a note upon which to rest
and my laurels let lie
never again to test
but I surmise that is destiny
or fate rather
that turns my eye hither and yon
leading, coercing me with it's dawn
every day enticingly promising
yet always empty in the bitter twilight
when all accomplishment is vain
alone solely with the pain
of the past days and years
alone with the deepest cuts
all the tears and the fears
that haunt
and will always
that flaunt
my despair to my face
and laugh at my attempts
to change time and erase
the lies that parted our ways
you and I
but lonely I am
lonely again
yet only for the moon
which grants comfort no more
like it did long ago, long before
but now is conceited and dead to me
the moon holds no peace
and the sky holds no destiny I can see
drawn and pushed the tide of the sea
by the moon and it's pulling tendency
to draw me in then let me go
forever and always in an ebb and flow

wait for me

2006-06-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

wait for me
maybe I will wait for you
in the darkest night
under the cold hearted moon
when life seems to spring
from nothingness
and color no longer radiates
in the bleakness
forever ago I left you there
with the sun, in the light
happy I thought you were, where
endless day supposedly surrounds
in my mind with the memories
that rush over the dam to drown
me in the moments when
I can bear life no longer
when I await the torrents
the crushing water's thunder
sounds pleasantly in my ear
in it's roar only peace I hear
strangely it holds directly above my head
held back in a chokehold, akin to the dead
as if there's purpose still despite
my hope to erase it and die
beneath the waterfall
that alone can bury my lies
chase me, my conscience
maybe I will wait for you
chase me, like innocence
that I have chased hence
for maybe in a moment of weakness
I will pause for a moment or two
maybe then you can save me
before I cut short the chance to
wait for me
maybe I will stay and wait for you
in the twilight hours
beneath the cold hearted moon

2006-05-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

Confused and unsure of something
maybe just of nothing at all
is it just the high the low
the height I reach before the fall

I don't know anymore
and I wasn't sure before
the questions still run circles round me
I'm to slow to ever catch the answer to

why am I here
what am I supposed to be
God will you please
shine light through the trees
I don't know
yes, I'll say it again
I don't know
that's where I begin
again and again and again

hopeless no
pointless maybe
who really knows
the question that I seek

I know you love me
but do you really know the future
what's best for me
or maybe I don't know

I just want one response
to the questions in my head
and upon that response
I'll cling until I'm cold and dead

Why am I here
who am I supposed to be
God will you please
shine light through the trees
I don't know
yes, I'll say it again
I don't know
that's where I begin and end
again and again and again

2006-03-31T07:10:00.000-08:00

lean into me
breathe in my life
hold my hand
as we stroll in the night

stars overhead
and everything's just right
I only hope
that tomorrow's like tonight

Coincidence

2006-03-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

what is coincidence
but the product of
my constant inference

drawing lines of correspondence
to which I yield my interests
quizzically but with deference

to the lines that I draw
that lead me through
the slope of life, the fall

of the accidental
the coincidental

Gold Encased

2006-03-01T09:10:00.000-08:00

Prepare me
for the distance
that I surmise
I will travel
between sunset and sunrise
chasing the gold encased lie
that leads to no end
only to another endless bend

Distance me
and I will survive
the throes of the fight
occurring in the throng
of the masses tonight
while I run toward the lying light
drawing closer to escape
and further from impending fate

Follow me
on to my query
on to my quest
the road never ending
but keep running lest
you fail, before the last test
and all your chasing is wasted and vain
self reproachment all that remains

stretch me
to the breaking point
pushing myself until I snap
and fall down in failure
my eyes fluttering back in relapse
my body slamming like a thunderclap
to the dirt and gravel beneath
the dust crowning my bloodied head in a wreath

lay me
in a casket
made of iron rusted, but gold encased
to reflect the lie
that in life I chased
the sunrises and sunsets embrace
laying gold over the rusted iron of life
that gold being what I chased in this strife

2006-02-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

If you need to, Scream
if you want to, lean
on my shoulder
cry while I hold you

I'm here
for now
maybe not forever
I'll show you how
to cry to laugh
to throw life around
how to forget
what gets you down

If you need to, scream
to the wind
If you're lonely lean
and I'll bend
towards you
take your hand
and hold you

Life's full of so much
trial and error
it's hard whenever
on the wrong side of failure

You taught me to scream
now I'm telling you to
I'll be here so just lean
on my shoulder
It'll all be over
before you know it soon
so just go on, go on, go on
and scream to the full moon
let all the feelings go
you'll survive
don't let the anger
make your spirit die

If you need to, scream
If you want to, lean
on my shoulder
cry, while I hold you

2006-02-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

We are
but we are not
I care
but it's a long shot

to forever
from here
from wherever

the view's not clear
even on a sunny day
the future may not appear
on the horizon

but if I tell you,
you're not everything to me
don't be angry
because I just mean

You're just my moon
You're just my sun
You're only the beach
where my waves run
You're just like everything
You're just like nothing
that I've ever done
You're only my moon
You're only my sun

Lovely, what does that mean

2006-01-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

lovely
what does it mean
to you to me

is it like the fall
bright colored leaves
or is it the spring
when the robin sings

so lovely
what does that mean
is it the way the wind blows
makes the orchids lean

this way and that
as the air rushes over
the petals and sings
through the clover

and the earth is alive
the bees in their hive
everything sings
is that what lovely means

you look so lovely
now what do I mean
is it that you look like
the girl of my dreams

is it your beauty
or simply your playful smile
that makes me free
from pain to believe like a child

so lovely
that's what you are
that's what you'll be
to me in a hundred years

so lovely
like the portraits of God
in the clouds, the stars, the sea
that's what you are
that's what you'll be
to me

you're lovely
but that's not what it means
I've only given you
my fruitless schemes

examples of what
it might be
but let me tell you
you have to see

your own lovely
in your own life
for each of us is given
his own day and night

For God's love is lovely
and lovely we all are
when lovely we become
in our hearts

So lovely
what does that mean
I cannot tell you
maybe you can tell me

But lovely
describes what I see
when I look past the world
to see God in you, in me

Declaration of Rights

2006-01-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

I declare to you
my worldly and heavenly rights
these are the premises
upon which I stand and fight

I am alive
that I can prove
I have a right to live
that only God can remove

Here may I question
my first pressupposition
that I have rights which are mine
upon which my life to define

why do I have a right
when purpose and origin
escape perception's sight
and run just beyond my mortal grasp

so if from whence I come
and to whence I go
remains in the unknown
then what rights do I know

For then I am nothing
but earth and sod
is this not where we are left
without a true God

If I have no rights
then let me appeal to these
the death of Christ on the tree
I cry out from my knees

For I was truly nothing
but dirt and sod
until breath was put in my lungs
the breath of God

From this day forth
I declare no rights
except for the sacrifice
the blood of Christ

The Rock, The Clock

2006-01-17T12:37:00.000-08:00

creatively
I will describe
the answers
that will survive

my postulations
of the perfect timing
of our lives
that fly away to the chiming

of the grandfather clock
that ticks and tocks
as I knock
on the stone the rock

that covers the answer
to the quest
the answer to
my one request

beset with doubts
I dare not move
the rock that covers
what I must prove

uncertain I stand
unable to run
away
as the receding sun

slowly sets to the west
and moon begins to rise
quietly against my behest
darkness filling my thoughts, eyes

silently, all silently I sit
as the wind whispers in the air
and in the soft moonlight
I question the rock with a stare

who placed you there I demand
and no response
is elicited by my command

who hid the treasure
that lies beneath you,
the rock to whom
they did bequeath to

a wealth beyond
all mortal gold
silver and jewel
one which cannot be sold

speak to me
I cried again
tell me of the time
tell me when

were you placed
to guard this wealth
who placed you here
was it force or stealth

that settled you over
what I once held dear
was it me or an enemy
make the darkness clear

yet still in silence
we sat next to the other
one wondering why
the other unable to utter

any explanation
to his fortune or lack thereof
the other to afraid
to afraid to push back, shove

the rock from where
it stood defying him
maybe just maybe, I thought
it is all just a whim

and there is no
treasure behind
there is nothing
nothing for me to find

I turn with impatience
to walk away
but then the rock stirs
stirs as if awake

and as faithless I walk away
it rolls aside
as if to say
if only you'd believed

then you would have seen
what before was unseen

if only you'd believed
you would have seen
that you buried your soul
in this world's make believe

if only you had believed
then you would have known
that you and you alone
buried your soul behind this stone

and properly arranged
a funeral for it
calling out the devil
in his evil to witness it

for it was you who
set the clock's pendulum swinging
tick tocking your days away
till judgement days condemning

I turn and the rock
lies silent as before
what was that sound, I listen
the wind, nothing more

forbid it not, I pray

2006-01-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

forbid it not I pray
that I may pass
and go on my way
to the place
that I hold dear
to someone
that's close and near
to the very heart
of who I am
she's found out every part
she thinks as I
seems to feel the breeze
the moon, the sky as I
finding joy in the thought that holds
her in that pale, beauteous light
of the moon as the breeze folds
it's gentle arms around
and gently whispers in her ear
as she stands and silently gazes
at the starry night atmosphere
and the moon that lazily glides o'er us all
silently bringing the night to life
gently whispering to my soul a call
as I pass on what once was a weary way
a path that in times past sadly I had trodden
with a quiet step and lonely heart
unable to quicken the hidden
soul that guides every part
of how I see the road
whether each twist is a treasure
that I will soon be shown
or if that bend is an epitaph
to be written on my stone
dreams some say
are never to become true
beware, beware whispers
the soothsayer, if they do
but I feel, yes I feel as though
she's a dream that's perfectly suited
to me
as if she is the most beautiful
wonderful, delightful fantasy
for how can someone be true
who can steal my heart
with every move
with every look it starts
over again
these thoughts keep racing
stampeding through my head
it feels, yes it feels like love
is flooding me, like a wave she's covering
with her smile, and laughter
and silence that pulls me closer
eyes that like windows
lead to her soul
words that gently
yet firmly pull
me to her
consuming my heart
with a fire
that cannot be quenched
a desire
that's deeper, far deeper
than lust
can you not see
that I trust
my heart and it says to me
as I pass on my way to where
she's standing in the moonlight waiting
"there lies what I desire to hold"
forever and ever until our love
outlasts these earthly molds
"so listen to me I pray"
my heart cries to the soul
in anguinsh to go and stay
with this one who waits
at my journey's end
so my heart cries out to say
forbid it not I pray
that I may pass
and go on my way
to a place that I hold dear
to someone who is close and near
to my heart
to every part that holds
all that I am
all that within loves boldly
so forbid it not I pray
and with her
I will forever stay

the one shot deal

2006-01-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

forget it
forget what I said
I feel like I'm bled out
and dying on the street
alone

forget it
all the lies that I've been
all the times when I
have run away from
myself

If I could sleep
it all away I would
If I could die and make it right
I would
but when you fail at life
that's it
it's over
the one shot deal
then failure
is how life goes
so when it rains
it pours and pain
divides not restores

forget it
everytime I tried
forget me and all my lies
the past is dead
and I wish to bury it
bury the hatchet
and right there end it
but it's alive and breathing
in the people
who live on after the beating
so it's alive and chasing me
breathing down my neck
and haunting me
with a make it work this time
buddy, please
this girl's my friend
don't make her bleed
don't rend her heart
in pieces, you fiend
like I'm a monster
can this really be me
am I truly a monster
deep inside
is that what my facade
tries in vain to hide

forget it
anything that I said
because it's hopeless now
to erase it, it's dead
with it a part of me dies
because no matter how
no matter how many tries
it's hopeless to ever hope again
on dreams that are in the past
my one time friend
so forget anything you felt
and bury me with the past
and melt
all that remains in your life of me
and anything that reminds you
of what you thought we'd be

tortured by all that I never said
forgiveness that I can never beg
from so many that I've hurt
maybe you should make a t-shirt
with a warning to all who can see
that I'm a monster
and I kill all I see
that I'm a monster
who's deadly and reeks
of betrayal and the death of love
but that's the past
please don't shove
that down my throat
and make me eat the things
that made others choke
and cry out in pain
broken hearts, and tears
of hate and love
so many differing emotions

forget it
they say i'm depedent
that I need a girl to make me
feel transcendent
that I have to have a girl
by my side
to make my life
worth while
they say but look at
how you cried
when it ended last time
well shut up
have you ever killed love in you're life
no,
then who are you to judge
I'd like to see your friek show try
at loving someone else
c'mon coward go for the ride
I don't need someone
to stand by my side
and kiss me
tell me it's gonna be alright
but what if I found someone
who's more than that
if I've found someone
who is whole in herself
and doesn't need me
but loves me just for who I am
for me
then what's wrong
my little psychic friend
what's wrong
when I'm not playing pretend
with her heart
and I care
and want to be a part
and share
a little piece of my life with her
I'm not promising forever
just every moment we share
I'm not leading her on
with dreams of a future
my love is present and accounted for
I'm not a "I'll love you forever" loser
because it may not be true
why promise something
you're not sure you can do
so don't rag on my life
until you're me
until you've dealt with the horribleness
of living in deceit
maybe then you'll understand
why it hurt so bad
when it fell apart
why I cried so much
and tried to run away
but don't judge the game
until you've played
because it's painful and sad
when you make the wrong play

Melt

2006-01-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

Melt, Melt into me
I'll hold you so close
you can hear my heart beating
if you'll hold me too
we'll be alright
we'll make it through
and become one
together we can
stop the sun
from coming up
stealing away with our lives
so melt, melt into me
tonight

:)

2005-12-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

when I found you
and you found me
we found each other
in the night I held you tight
we couldn't see the future
I don't we cared enough wonder
about tomorrow

cause it was you and me
on a futon watching
Pirates of the Caribbean
and I was being
just like a pirate
stealing that first kiss
oh, maybe it wasn't right
but it felt right that night

when I found you
and you found me
we played love
like maybe we wouldn't ever be
us
but it was all a foolish notion
I should've known better than
to play with the love potion
but I guess it's in the blood to go stealing
just like that night when it was

you and me
on a futon watching
pirates of the Caribbean
and I was being
just like a pirate
stealing that first kiss
oh, maybe it wasn't right
but it still feels right tonight

so I've found you
and you've found me
I think I can finally be
free in love for once in my lifetime
not tied down by a stereotype
so I'll be me and you be you
we'll dance in the rain to our own tune
lay and count the stars
paint silly pictures
stare at your ceiling
laugh about life and where it's leading
but in my mind I'll always remember
the first time

it was you and me
on a futon watching
pirates of the Caribbean
and I was being
just like a pirate
stealing that first kiss
oh, maybe it wasn't right
but then whatever is
all I know is that it still feels right
tonight

There's a pain that chokes

2005-12-14T13:03:00.000-08:00

There’s a pain that chokes
In your throat
And won’t come out
It’s the feeling of doubt
And hurt that should be gone
But instead it’s still there
It’s been there all along
Even though I tried to hide it all
Tried to run away and crawl
Into another’s arms
But it was all fake
Maybe it was a way to hide hate
But I’m past the hate
I think I’m past the fake
But I still feel what I can never say
It’s just a pain that’s there
Will it ever go away
Somewhere it chokes in my throat
It’s almost like its something
That can never be spoken about
Because its real but not
Sometimes I wish it would rot
And die away but somehow it stays
Leading me on and on in ways
That I can only imagine
How my old pain is driving
The way I live today
Why I choose what I choose
How I live why I’m afraid to lose
The new love that I’ve found
am I alone in this crisis
No I think maybe you’re here too
And I’m standing here feeling
Just like you
Not the love that we had
But an ache and the sad
Thoughts of what it was
When we were we
And we laughed at the world
Cause we always thought we’d be
Together to face the storms of life
Instead we’re now facing different lights
Two different lives that used to be one
Whatever happened doesn’t matter anymore it’s done
So I’ve moved on finally
Found love after my failures to find me
So now the memories are not chasing
And I’m not running cause I’ve defeated the pain
The fear of it all,
my failures
how I caused my own fall
so whatever I’m feeling it’s not the same
not the same way I felt the pain
the day that it all went down
but that’s all over now
I’ve found me now
I’m not feeling the love for you anymore
But I’m feeling something I can’t express
I just want to stress
That I will never be able to say
What I want about this
This vague pain
But know that wherever you go
I will still care
And if you need me
If I can I will be there
Because of this pain
That gets caught in my throat
And makes me choke
But I can’t get it out
Of my mouth
But I’m sure that these words
Never need to be said
But I know I’ll carry them
With me till I’m dead

I still remember

2005-12-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

I still feel the pain
when I see you today
or I hear that song on the radio
and I still think what a shame
but I don't love you, anymore
is just that my heart doesn't
know any better than to remember

every little thing that i didn't say
but should have
every little time you made me cry
and made me laugh
It might've been me
It might've been you
but the fact is we are through
somethings are better left unsaid
I know we'll never be us again
But I still remember
because my heart
doesn't know any better

It feels there's a piece of me in you
when you walk by I wonder
if your piece in me calls to you, too
I still can't erase my memories
my mind's not a chalkboard,
It won't erase easily
But I'm moving on, and I think I see
the end of the tunnel
well you still remember me
well I don't love you, anymore
it's just that my heart
doesn't know any better
than to remember

Every little thing I didn't say
but should have
Every little time you made me cry
made me laugh
It might've been me
It might've been you
but the fact is we are through
somethings are better left unsaid
I know we'll never be us again
but I still remember
because my heart
doesn't know any better

Life

2005-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

are all lives really the same
or does happiness revolve around fame
or money or maybe just both
but what if the green is just a big hoax
and the happy ones aren't on mtv
or the top ten bachelors weekly
then what happens to the worlds twist
on life when what every child's wish
is really a nightmare
of having the press follow you and stare
at every move you make
and it's all so fake
because money can get anything that you want
but it's really a battle field and you bear the brunt
of it all because you're losing yourself to the crowds calls
and who you really are just crumbles and falls
short of all the dreams of perfect humanity
and suddenly you wake up and scream
because you're further now then you thought you'd be
from anything you wanted from life and sanity
you've got no real friends no family life
take that back, you don't even have a wife
and you're child's in daycare while you're pursuing
this career and the fame while life you are losing
it all to the cries of the people who want more
and you just keep stretching your hands for awards
when all you ever wanted was a family
with a couple of kids and a ranch house in the country
but maybe money was more important than that
than you'd ever imagined if that was me I'd give it all back
for a shot at raising my kids with a dad who comes home every night
to play tag and football or stay up and talk till morning light
and show them how to live when everything's falling apart
tell them that life requires a heart
that's gentle and kind
and love requires a caring mind
but if all that you want is the money and fame
then take it because you can have all that pain
I'd rather break my back
rather then watch my kids grow up on crack
without a father to show them what life's all about
even though I may never have political clout
in the world, what's the point anyway
of spending so much time dancing in someone else's play
why not build what you want and keep it
raise a couple of kids and have a wonderful wife,
somebody please tell me to preach it
preach that beautiful life
even though I may end up below the upper
I just want to be above the below and not a sucker
to the temptations of monetary gain
and the big rat race game
of the world as it turns and churns my life away
to the tune of 24 hours, or you can call it a day
get down to the basics
the minutes the seconds
and man our live's are flying faster than we can reckon with
we've only got the moment that we're in and then it's gone with the wish
that it could return
but it never will as long as the earth turns
so what will I do with the time I'm alive
well I know one thing for sure I'm never again going to cry
about how my life is flying to fast
because what a waste when you can't go back
just live for now and don't chase the things in this world so far
that you can't hop in a car
and drive home to the ones you really love in life
your kids and family your parents your wife
because no matter how much you want to change the world
it's never worth the price of that one special girl
who can love you more than money could ever afford
so even though we need the ones who want to rise above the crowd
I think some times they blow the "be famous" horn to loud
because you're famous to the ones who adore you
when you're there for them and in a crisis you're the one to run too
so if riches and fame can be obtained
without sacrificing people for the gain
then go for it and make your dreams happen
but remember that fame doesn't make a man
it's the blood and the sweat
of fighting the fight
of everyday life
and if that leads to glory
then don't worry
because we all have a purpose
yeah we all have a story
and a purpose to fulfill
just make sure that you do it within God's will

Where the river ends...

2005-11-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

You'll find me where the river ends
where the sun stands still
and time begins to slow

into eternal day
and I'm lost beneath the spray
of a waterfall of infinite beauty
depth and passion
pooling in one the will of all
and gathering together
all in it's never ending fall

You'll find me on the rock
which overlooks the edge
of the waterfalll that will take you
to where time began and for us will end
at the bottom in the pool
of the river of life, where it rushes over the waterfall
from this rock I prepare to jump
following the call
of the river as it falls and seduces with it's calls
of life that will never end
of the thrill of the fall
the lie that to fall is to fly

You'll find me as I'm falling
as I leap from the rock overlooking the edge
I'm fallling but if feels like I'm soaring
like an eagle above the waterfall with spray
gleaming in the sunlight the river thunders down
so this is freedom of mind body and soul
freedom from fear, inhibition, and even life itself
but as much as I feel that I'm soaring
I know I'm falling as the pool is growing
and it entrances me with the whirlpool
that spins like a cyclone in it's center
Intrinsic forces tell me that I am here
almost at the middle of it all
as I breach the water and end my fall
as calmly I allow the whirlpool to win
and whirl me into the cyclone of life, death, and timelessness

you'll find me as I'm sucked under the surface
pulled down into utter darkness
life, breath, all that I thought I was, rush from me
and for a moment I'm in oblivion
between hell's fires and heaven's songs
until from the murky depths below a drop of blood
arises, and diffuse around my body and covers my soul
instantly freeing me from myself, from the body that had held
my soul down, out in an instant my soul arose from the whirlpool
that still churned out of control
leaping from the tumultuous waters
and flying truly flying above it all
above the waterfall
there I see as my soul flies upward
toward somewhere; many like myself
following the call of the waterfall
taking the fall at the river's end

you'll find me beyond where you never thought you'd be
beyond the clouds and the stars we can see
my soul has finally found it's home
in peace I rest and from this place
I descry the river of life in which
we all once lived and the waterfall
where the river ends
and time begins to slow

If today was tomorrow

2005-11-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

If today was tomorrow
then tomorrow'd be the weekend
I'd be standing next to you
one more week would be over
just one more week older
and I would be holding you

God gave two arms to me
I know what to do with these
they're here to hold you baby
whenever the world's upside down
I'll hold you on solid ground
and when everything's just fine
when life is a ride
I'll be there to hold you
in the forever of tonight

Bowling for Soup: Ridiculous (looking up) - I really love this song-

2005-11-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Try not to talk when there's nothing to say.
Kept bottled up, we get carried away.
Then I fall, then I fall down.
Then we fall down.

And you know that it makes me feel so ridiculous.
A pocket full of posies..

We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside.
Turn it around, can we turn it around?
Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now.
But it's looking up.

A second chance, a much better day.
A sunset that just won't go away.
Then I fall, then I fall down.
We all fall down.

And you know that it makes me feel so ridiculous.
A pocket full of posies..

We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside.
Turn it around, can we turn it around?
Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now.
But it's looking up.

And you know you said you'd never end up this way.
Close the door behind you, i just wanna stay for a while.

We all fall down, we all fall down, we all fall..
Down on the inside; pretty on the outside.
Turn it around, can we turn it around?
Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now.
But it's looking up.

Down on the inside; pretty on the outside.
Turn it around, can we turn it around?
Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now.
But it's looking up.

Bowling for Soup : Ridiculous (looking up)

2005-11-02T10:28:00.000-08:00

Finding Me

2005-10-31T12:10:00.000-08:00

Finding me
in the middle of me
but still so far
from who I should be

I look to the sky
but fail to fly
to the stars above
in the pale moonlight

I try to think if I was me
where would i hide, where would I be
to escape what i don't want to face
hiding inside in the middle of me

I derive from the life others see
that something is living, living in me
so I'm alive and that's for sure
but if purpose I have, why the insecurity

why the insecurity
that if i must be more than just me
why the impatience with it all
When this is who I am framed to be

So as i move on finding me
in Christ more than inside of me
I'm finding he is the answer to the end
of making what's inside of me complete

Just love me

2005-10-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

Am I the boy
or the man
or just a kid
who thinks he can
be what some think he should be
but who doesnt' feel their heartbeat

Although I try
that doesn't mean I can
become a man
on demand
I need some time to reevaluate
what will be my elusive fate

so as the boy
or as the man
or as the kid
who thinks he can
I'll carry on till I'm carried on
I'll move along till I've moved on

do you love the boy
or do you love the man
or is it the kid
who you think can
be what you think he can be
although the future you can't see

don't love the boy
don't love the man
don't love the kid
who you think can
because what you see just may not be
who I'm designed by my creator to be

I may be
just what you see
but you don't know
so just love me
for who I am
not for what I'll be
for who you see
when you stand beside me

Am I the boy
Am I the man
or just the kid
who thinks he can
I think I know becuase know I see
I see that who I am is just all three

If there are tears in my eyes

2005-10-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve tried to hide
What I knew was still inside
And I tried run into another’s arms
But it didn’t fill the hole inside
Only she could ever hold me
In a way that made me happy
And seeing her again has hurt me
Helped me, cut me, healed me
Saved me, so gracefully
But then the cut opened up again
As she walked away and then
I cried

So I guess if there are tears in my eyes
Maybe it’s because I’ve loved maybe it’s because I’ve lost
The one that I thought I would hold for a lifetime
But in the end she loved somebody else
And she was just a beautiful, a wonderful space of lost time
But I don’t want to change what happened
I’d take her back in an instant
If she ever changed her mind
Cause I know both searching for something else in life
And I hope that when she finds it I’ll be by her side
But for know I guess I’ll live with tears in my eyes

Is it so wrong to still love her
When she’s heading off to her world again
And I’m not sure if she’ll think of me
When she’s four hours away with friends
But I wish that I could go back
To when we first met
And I wish that I could change
Whatever she didn’t love
About how I treated her
How I showed my love
And I wish with all my heart
For a brand new start
Because right now this heart is breaking
With each breath I’m taking

So I guess if there are tears in my eyes
Maybe it’s because I’ve loved maybe it’s because I’ve lost
The one that I thought I would hold for a lifetime
But in the end she loved somebody else
And she was just a beautiful, a wonderful space of lost time
But I don’t want to change what happened
I’d take her back in an instant
If she ever changed her mind
Cause I know both searching for something else in life
And I hope that when she finds it I’ll be by her side
But for know I guess I’ll live with tears in my eyes

So I guess I should just move on
Instead of crying again
But it’s not easy to be strong
Even though I want to play the man
Because I too have feelings
I too cared and shared
And I have a love inside
That tells me not to despair
And I guess it hurts me more
To think that she will ever care
And to imagine that someday
When I walk out my door she’ll be standing there
The past is dead but not for me
Cause these feelings cannot be buried
Only truth and time will heal me
I don’t think I can fix
The hole in my heart
The rip, from where you stood right next to me
But I guess should try
But a voice inside
Screams to wait, even though there are no signs
A voice screams wait, a voice inside screams love
A voice whispers love
A voice inside says to never give up on love

So I guess if there are tears in my eyes
Maybe it’s because I’ve loved maybe it’s because I’ve lost
The one that I thought I would hold for a lifetime
But in the end she loved somebody else
And she was just a beautiful, a wonderful space of lost time
But I don’t want to change what happened
I’d take her back in an instant
If she ever changed her mind
Cause I know both searching for something else in life
And I hope that when she finds it I’ll be by her side
But for know I guess I’ll live with tears in my eyes

Ashes of the past

2005-10-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

Here’s to you
The one I won’t remember
In a minute now
I know I’ll forget

Here’s to you
To the hope of glowing embers
In a minute now
Will fade into ash

I never thought
It would come to this
On the front porch watching
You drive away
As the dust settles
Along this country highway
And I feel alone again

Here’s to you
The one I won’t remember
In a minute now
I know I’ll forget

Here’s to you
To my hope of glowing embers
That in a minute now
Will fade to ash
You’ll become just ashes in the past

There were the good times
That brought us together
Like the naps along that quiet little stream
While sun shown down in little fingers
On your face as we laid beneath trees
There was that time on the rope swing
When we let go and started to fly
And in that moment when I looked into your eyes
I thought I’d never say goodbye

Here’s to you
The one I won’t remember
In a minute now
I know I’ll forget

Here’s to you
To my hope of glowing embers
That in a minute now
Will fade to ash

The rhythm

2005-10-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

Two step to the time and the rhythm
I'll dance to the music of just livin'
In a new day of liberty
With my hope, my security
Assured in the Kingdom to come
Assured in the only one
Knowing that my redeemer liveth
With each breath, life, he giveth

Two step to the time and the rhythm
Dance to the music of just livin'
Hopefully
Assuredly
Blissfully
Awaiting the
Majesty
of the one to come
two step to the rhythm
of God's only son
wait for the time
when he will come

Take a little time

2005-10-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

take a little time
to redefine
what you think about life
what you think about lies
in the world today
all the junk they say
the way they play
on my mind, on the way
I define
all the signs
all the lines
that point out of sight
to the left, to the right
and I try with all my might
striving on through the night
but the lines divide
so I'm changing sides
once again, lost in life
lost in play, each and every day
it's like life's a charade
maybe you can relate maybe differentiate
between life
and the game
that we play, on ourselves
as we sit on the shelves
of the toy store we call life
and pretentiously fight
about who's right or wrong
why don't we just move on
past the boxes we live in
because we each want to have an end
In and of ourselves
Never wanting to help
those who don't have a friend
those who want their life to end
so are we lost or just afraid
to stand up to the gaze
of the scorners who mock
the ones who dare to knock
on life's door and embark
on a trip to the start
of where dreams and life part
this is where my heart
yearns, to go to
to stand on the cliff of life
and jump off to never land
where I'll know the truth

When it works, When it doesn't

2005-10-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

when it works
when it doesn't
when it's meant
when it wasn't
what if love was meant to be
but were blind and couldn't see
passing her by with the blink of a eye
until you look back only to decide
that she was it
so beautiful
that it was love
so wonderful
Only now is when you see
that you weren't satisfied in your mind
you thought more you could find
but you were blind to it all
blind to how far you could fall
from her eyes, from her lips
from her thought, from her kiss
from the look; of love in her eyes
which is what you miss, you realize
but sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't
there are times it's meant
there were times it wasn't
rose glasses are what we wear in love
or so they say
yet when push comes to shove
and the glasses break; the rose tint remains to stay
when it's meant
when it wasn't
sometimes it works
sometimes it doesn't

When I looked at you

2005-10-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Just another day
in my life
just sittin' around wondering why
does the world have to spin so fast
why I feel like everytime I catch it
it runs away, and I'm chasing again
then you walked by
I guess I kinda sighed
everything slowed down
then stopped, as you looked into my eyes
and I said

Just stop and stand
don't move at all
just the sight of you
makes me lose control
I want you to be there
for the rest of my life
If you'll hold me, I'll know I'm home
when I looked into your eyes
the world started spinnin' slower
I'm catchin' up not gettin' older
cause the world just stopped
when I looked at you

Life's a waterfall

2005-10-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Life's a waterfall
as the river rushes on
to the oceans call
so we all come together
as together we fall

God is over all
he guides each stream
and fills them all
and he brings us all together
in the life waterfall

Falling slowly, falling faster

2005-10-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

falling slowly
falling faster
than the day
before yesterday

falling slower now it seems
until I awake from my dream
falling faster in the daylight
than in the dreams of the night

falling slowly
yet I still believe
falling faster
than the day
before yesterday

life's a fall
that's how I see it
with each daybreak
a new sprawl
onto the pavement I take

life's a slope
that's how I see it
one more chance to roll
without hope
an ever moving prison without parole

falling slowly
yet I still believe
falling faster
than the day
before yesterday

Life's a freefall
that's how I see it
we're always dropping
even though you don't feel it
always seeing the forest below
always falling but never able to go
anywhere
even though i think I'm falling down
maybe the mind simply confounds
my sense of falling, falling towards no ground

what If I am simply standing still
on a rock on a hill
and feeling as though there is no ground
and that I'm falling, falling down

so what if I can never explain
this sense of life this sense of pain
of falling slowly and still standing still
on a rock on a hill
without hope and with a falling void to fill
maybe I never will

falling slowly
yet I still believe
if my eyes do not decieve
falling faster
than the day
the day before yesterday

It went like this snap

2005-10-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

It went like this *snap*
you went like that *snap*
you were gone before I could react

I thought it was love
you thought it was nothing
before I could catch you
you took off runnin', runnin'

It went like this *snap*
you went like that *snap*
in the blink of an eye
before I could react
I'd give anything
to have you back

You were my all
my little lady
my precious one
my pretty baby
I guess I let you down
and so you let me fall
face down into the cold hard ground

It went like this *snap*
you went like that *snap*
in the blink of an eye
before I could react
I'd give anything
to have you back

so what's with you
and you and him
I thought he
was just a friend
or so you said
or is that just what I heard
heard you say the f word

but if it's to late for me
then listen all my friends

it'll come like this *snap*
she'll go like that *snap*
in the blink of an eye
before you can react
she'll have you wishin'
you had her back

If my life was less hectic

2005-10-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

If my life was less hectic
then no one could enjoy the antics
of my actions, reactions or lack thereof
and thus I believe that hectic is sent from above
to bring out the best in some
and the worst in all
to be for some a stepping stone
and for others a wall

yet sometimes it seems that hectic
is a self inflicted disease of the eclectic
who grasp for everything and fail to find
who reach for something only to be denied
by their own patterns and addictions of the mind
which some have never defied

If my life was less hectic
then I might become dialectic
and miss the joy of the eclectic
which comes in the midst of the hectic

.....hmmm...not a big fan of titles......

2005-10-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

As the mountains sing
and the earth rejoices
As the waters chime a new melody
everyone now raise, raise your voices
to creations shouts of His majesty
and as the earth rejoice
everyone now raise, raise your voices

Hale, Halelujah
You alone are King
Hale, Halelujah
to You alone I sing
Hale, Halelujah
all glory to You I bring
Halelujah, Hale, Halelujah
Halelujah, Hale, Halelujah

raise your voices

Live (again)

2005-09-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

Can I teach myself to live again
teach myself to love
teach myself to try again
or give me up for lost

Somewhere deep inside
something tells me to get moving
but my heart is still stuck here
used to all the endless losing

Can I learn anew a perfect view
learn anew how I see You
learn anew the pathway straight
and enter at the narrow gate

Pathway narrow
pathway small
taunting pathways nearby call
but I must follow only one
so that I may reach the Son

Can I teach myself to live again
teach myself to love
should teach myself to try again
or give me up for lost

I cannot lay down
without a fight
I cannot fall down
tonight

I'm going to teach myself to live again
teach myself to love
I'm going to teach myself to try again
because Christ paid the cost

I am not lost
I am not lost

I'm going to teach myself to live again
teach myself to love
I'm going to teach myself to try again
because He alone is worth everything
and He paid the cost

Marriage (what I think it should be)

2005-09-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

There’s a ring on my hand
A ring on yours
Together we’re walking toward
Heaven’s doors
And I look
At you
You look
At me
And in your eyes
I can see eternity

We are one you and I
Two hearts beating side by side
Life is a story still untold
But with each breath it unfolds
Hand in hand, fingers entwined
Chasing the wonders of passing time

There’s a power of direction in your hand
There’s a need for protection from life’s demands
And so together we can fly
You and I
Spaces in between are shrinking
Every day
And now I am seeing
That though I can live without you
Part of me can’t find;
Anything without you

So I hold you
And you hold me too
I feel your heart beat against my chest
Every beat only pulls me closer
And it keeps beating without a rest
A rose in on the table between the two
Me and you
Your eyes are shining like stars
From a galaxy so far
And you make me wonder
I sit and ponder
All the events that brought us
All the things that taught us
All the lies that broke us
How life betrothed us
I am amazed
By the look on your face
And I am amazed
That you’re with me
And I’m with youNow
I’m holding,The only one,
that’s the truth

Here I am a lovesick fool
After twenty years of lying next to you
It never died but sometimes it faded away
But never for more the ½ second every hundredth day
Because when love is meant to be
That’s when we find everything That we’ll ever need

We are one you and I
Two hearts beating side by side
Life is a story still untold
But with each breath it unfolds
Hand in hand, fingers entwined
Chasing the wonders of passing time

2005-09-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm losing places
losing time
the changing faces
that I find
everywhere
I think I'm blind

cause I don't want to be here
this is not where I dreamed I would be

there's nothing but my fear here
and my insecurities

Choices are killing me
my own words my enemy
personally I think I'm done
cause I've lost track of love's true light
so I'm standing in the night
praying for the darkness to break
praying that this a dream, that my pain is fake

sight is fading
from my eyes
my world disappating
everything goes black and white
ghosts arise in the night
i'm scared
I wonder if anyone cares

cause I don't want to be here
this is not where I dreamed I'd be

there's nothing but my fear here
and my insecurities

Choices are killing me
my own words my enemy
personally I think I'm done
cause I've lost track of love's true light
now I'm standing in the night
praying for the darkness to break
praying that this is a dream, that my pain is fake

The wait

2005-09-08T10:00:00.001-07:00

So I'm waiting to find
if we're going to rhyme
together or be apart forever

I've got hurt on my mind
betrayal's so sublime
so run away or come back to stay

I broke your heart
and tore mine apart
then I gave all the little pieces
back to you,
cause now I want you,
that's the truth

I thought my heart was back in place
I thought we could erase
the tragedy
but I was imagining
hoping on hope
but the truth i've been perceiving
knowing I'd cry,, again

so here comes the tears of the break
tears of the love you tried to fake
but if it's not real then let it go
it's better to move on
then get lost in a show

I know I deserve it
to have my heart broken
because of my own sin
so please just let the truth be spoken..

If you love me let me know
but right now you're confused
and I think you're ready to go

so just lay it all out so I can see
the truth in front of me
and I can face the agony

if goodbye is what is coming
don't try to soften it
just stand right up and say it
and I'll be a man and take it

I'll take it with a hand over my heart for protection
and my mind still facing your direction
as I walk away..
because I know you have a piece of me
and with you it will stay

See I'm not upset or angry
just hurt..
so please don't play me
the only cure is the truth
so be honest with yourself
even if I'm just another boy on the shelf
of those who have loved you
at least I'll know where I stand to you